


Honey, I Shrunk The Astrophysicist!

by respoftw



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M, Pre-Slash, Shrinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2019-01-04 21:58:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12177315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/respoftw/pseuds/respoftw
Summary: Rodney has an accident with an Ancient device in the labs and is found by the last person he would want to be found by.





	Honey, I Shrunk The Astrophysicist!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [StuckonDuck](https://archiveofourown.org/users/StuckonDuck/gifts).



> This fic was inspired by some awesome art by @bumblingsocialmoth on tumblr which you should absolutely go and check it out [here](http://bumblingsocialmoth.tumblr.com/post/165590336997/looks-like-there-was-an-accident-in-one-of-the)

When Rodney was twenty-one years old (and already well into his second PhD) he'd been soundly guilted by his then twelve-year-old sister into taking her to the movies on one of the rare occasions he saw fit to return home.

“You'll love it,” Jeannie had insisted with all the bluster of a pre-teen, “it’s about a scientist. It's _educational_.”

And so Rodney had been forced to sit through ninety-three minutes of the worst science he'd seen on celluloid since Jeannie had dragged him to see ‘Back to the Future’ four years earlier.

He'd honestly never thought that he would have to apologise for his three-hour-long rant about how _utterly_ improbable it was that a machine could shrink people (never mind the fact that Rick Moranis was _completely_ unbelievable as someone with the intellect to pull it off) but, as his vertigo kicked in while he looked up at the impossibly tall table that he'd been standing next to as a regular, pretty-damn-close-to-six-feet-tall Rodney only a few moments ago, he wished he'd given more consideration to the science involved in that seminal 80s classic, ‘Honey, I Shrunk The Kids’.

It was just typical of his luck that this ‘accident’ had happened when no one else was in the labs. Normally, of course, he'd be grateful that no one was around to see his misfortune (and crack the inevitable jokes that would follow) but at three-quarter’s of an inch tall there wasn't much he could do to reverse his current situation without _some_ form of help.

After a few attempts at shimmying up the leg of the table (he only managed to get a - actually, he wasn't actually sure how to measure it, it felt like about six feet to him but was probably only an inch or two in real measurement-  small way up before lack of traction caused him to slide back down), he gave up and slumped, defeated to the ground.

The really galling part about it was, he knew _exactly_ what had caused the small problem he was experiencing (obviously it was the Ancient device he had been poking at - yet another pointless device to go on the list of things he was going to complain about the next time he met an Ancient) and even thought he knew how to reverse it but without being able to get up onto the table he was helpless to fix it himself.

He reached for his radio almost by rote but paused, thinking it through. The likelihood of his call for help registering as anything audible to regularly sized auditory canals was slim to none.

He gave a brief entertainment to the idea of going and finding help himself but his dim memory of ‘Honey, I Shrunk The Kids’ and his slightly clearer memory of watching re-runs of ‘Land of The Giants’ (first when he was a kid and then again in college) made him all too well aware of the perils that would await him. Knowing his luck, he'd probably fall down a grate or be squished by the heavy boot of a dumb marine who didn't check the floor for three-quarter’s of an inch tall geniuses before he set his foot down. No, Rodney was going to wait it out. Someone would eventually come into the labs and he would grab their attention (somehow) and they would lift him -very gently and carefully - up to the table where he would fix the situation and all would be well. He might even have enough coffee beans stashed away that he could persuade whoever it was to keep quiet about the whole thing.

Yes. Rodney would wait here and everything would work itself out.

Right?

He was just starting to doubt his plans efficacy when the sound of approaching feet jerked him upright. _Holy hell that was loud_. He knew all about the physics of scale and how that would impact on him from an auditory standpoint but knowing it and experiencing it were two completely different things.  The approaching boots sounded more like an approaching stampede or a burgeoning earthquake than anything else.

Rodney steadied himself against the metal of the table leg as the pounding drew closer. He could feel the vibrations of the other person moving through the floor, travelling up the length of his body until he could almost feel his back teeth start to vibrate. He was so lost in the sensation that he didn't immediately register who had caused those vibrations until it was too late.

Rodney bit down on a startled meep as the Wraith entered the lab. Rodney never could get used to referring to him as something as innocuous as Todd. He knew what Sheppard was trying to do with those silly human names he bestowed on the Wraith but Rodney didn't think any name - not even Meredith - could alleviate his terror of a species that thought of him as nothing more than food.

As the Wraith approached the desk that he was quivering beside, Rodney rapidly came to the conclusion that as terrifying as the Wraith were on a normal day, they were exponentially more frightening when they seemed to be the height of the CN Tower.

The Wraith reached the desk that Rodney had been working at and the sound of the chains on his prisoner belt clanged loudly as he fiddled with the ancient device left lying there.

Like it often did, Rodney's fear disappeared in the face of scientific curiosity, to be replaced by anger and irritation at someone messing with things they didn't understand. “Watch what you're doing!” he snapped. “That is delicate - -“ Rodney broke off with a whimper of fear as the Wraith’s strangely cat-like eyes swung down to look directly at him.

“Well now, this is interesting.”

Rodney backed up until he was half hidden underneath the table but it was too late. He didn't even have enough time to ponder how the Wraith had even heard him (surely his new size would have limited the auditory range of his voice, it's why he hadn't bothered with his radio) before the Wraith was crouched down in front of him, his face startlingly close and - _wow_ \- if he'd thought those teeth looked nasty before…

“Ohshitohshitohshit, please don't eat me. Please, please, please.”

Rodney shrank back further as the Wraith grinned.

“Dr McKay,” it said. “I have not eaten you or any of your colleagues yet. I would not start when the meal would be so tiny and unsatisfying.”

Rodney felt his stomach start to roll at just the thought of being eaten. The Wraith reached out awkwardly with his hand, his fingers just managing to reach Rodney before he could step out of range and closed the fingers of his hand around Rodney's waist before he could work out was happening. Rodney got an up close and personal look at the feeding slit and started to scream for help. There would be guards at the door, maybe they would hear him. Why, oh why had he continuously yelled at the marines to get out the lab and stop touching things during the early days of the Wraith’s captivity. They had given up following Sheppard’s rules to the letter now and stood guard outside the lab while Rodney and the Wraith worked on ways to stop the Replicators, always quick to slide inside when Colonel Sheppard approached but leaving them to it otherwise.

The curl of the Wraith’s fingers pushed him just to the edge of the feeding slit and Rodney screwed his eyes shut tight, trying to block the sight out. He was focused so hard on blocking out the immediate danger he was in that he shrieked when he felt something hard and solid under his feet. Cracking his eyes open, he found himself standing on the top of his desk, right next to the stupid device that had zapped him.

Huh.

* * *

Guide watched in amusement as Dr Rodney McKay came to the realisation that he was _not_ about to get eaten. Truth be told, the thought had never crossed his mind and not just because he would make a small meal in his current form. At some point over the course of his involvement with the people of Atlantis, Guide had started to think of them as more than just a particularly troublesome source of food. If pushed, he might even admit that he had grown fond of some of them, Dr Rodney McKay in particular. Dr McKay’s quick mind was impressive and Guide had more than once considered the benefits he could reap if he could add that quicksilver mind to his hive. Of course, he was not foolish enough to carry through on that plan. The wrath of John Sheppard would be very great indeed.

It was another trait that Wraith and these humans shared; the close mating bond. The longer he spent amongst these people, the more blurred the lines between food and..something else became.

Guide gestured at the Ancient device that currently dwarfed Dr McKay. “I take it this device is responsible for your current situation?”

Dr McKay snapped out of his shock. “No,” he answered sarcastically. “This is just something that we humans do on a Tuesday. Of course, the device did it, I didn't shrink to practically nothing on my own.”

“Well," Guide chuckled, "it seems that your current predicament has not blunted your tongue much.”

“And that's another thing,” Dr McKay’s hands waved ineffectually in the air as he glared up at Guide. “How can you even hear me? Aren't you supposed to be descended from a bug? Your hearing should be worse than a human’s, not better. It doesn't make sense.”

“I would be careful who you compared to a bug right now, Dr McKay.” Guide bared his teeth, amused at the brief flicker of fear it caused.

Dr McKay recovered from his fear quickly, throwing himself into the task of trying to move the device. It was not unlike watching a small bug try to move a large rock and just as ineffectual. Dr McKay seemed to realise it soon enough, ceasing his movements and slumping his shoulders in defeat.

Guide shook his head in amused wonder.  “I will locate John Sheppard immediately,” he said before turning to leave.  He left Dr McKay squawking on the desk as he approached the entrance to the lab where his guards stood - too scared of the caustic scientist to enter the room as they were supposed to. Guide had found it strange at first that warriors such as these marines would be more afraid of a scholar than their military commander but that was before he had met the scholar in question.

Yes. Dr Rodney McKay would make a fine Wraith. Guide and his scholars might even have been able to come up with a way to trigger the change themselves but he fancied himself better than the New Lanteans in that regard, though he supposed they had learned their lesson in meddling with things that they did not fully understand.

The one which they called Michael - another insipid name chosen by Sheppard to lessen his fear of them, oh how Guide hated it so - was an abomination, neither human nor Wraith. He was open enough to admit that he admired the science it took to create the abomination while abhorring the concept entirely. Not for the first time, he wondered at the humans continued belief that they were the ones in the right.

The Lantean door slid open as he approached and his two guards shifted, reaching for their primitive yet effective weapons as Guide stepped into the corridor.

“I would speak to your Colonel Sheppard immediately,” he said. “Bring him here.”

The two warriors shared a look and the braver of the two spoke up. “Ah, mind if I ask why Dr McKay doesn't just radio for him?”

Guide was almost impressed at the question. He would have thought the logic of it beyond these warriors as it would have been beyond the Wraith warriors. Of course, his Wraith warriors would never have dared question an order so they had their uses. He bared his teeth in what would be, amongst the Wraith, a friendly manner. “Your Dr McKay has been involved in an accident and cannot communicate directly at the moment.”

A second, more intense, look was shared between the two men and suddenly, with no reason that Guide could discern, he found himself pressed against the wall with the muzzle of the crude weapon pointed at the back of his head.

Rolling his eyes - something he had picked up from Dr McKay - Guide snapped at them in irritation. “I did not harm him, you fools. I am helping him.”

The gun dug in harder, pushing his face against the cold hardness of the wall.

“Don't kill him,” the less brave of the two warriors cautioned his companion. “If he's touched McKay, Colonel Sheppard will want to do it himself.”

Guide gave a brief consideration to disarming them both and fighting. He'd survive a bullet or two. Maybe. Sighing heavily, he stayed where he was and waited for John Sheppard to arrive. Hopefully, Sheppard would be more willing to listen.

* * *

John's feet pounded against the floor of Atlantis’ corridors, hard enough that he could feel each impact in his knees. He should never have let the damn Wraith into Atlantis; never should have let Rodney persuade him that they needed the Wraith’s help. He'd almost lost Rodney to Todd once before - he hated to think about that trip to Earth, still had nightmares about the pleading in Rodney's eyes, still woke up in a cold sweat after dreaming that Rodney hadn't bothered to tell John of his plan first, that he'd just walked up to Todd and…

He felt more than heard Ronon and Teyla fall into step beside him and pushed harder, an extra burst of speed that could mean all the difference between finding Rodney alive or dead.

_Anything but dead_ , he thought desperately. _Even if Todd can't be forced to give him it back, let him be old. Old is better than dead. Anything is better than dead. God, I hadn't even told him that - -_

John skidded to a stop outside Rodney's lab to see the two marines he'd put on Guard duty standing there with their weapons trained on Todd. Ronon’s gun soon joined them.

Teyla continued into the lab, calling Rodney's name, her eyes wide and afraid as she turned back to look at John. “He is not here,” she said. Turning to look at Todd her voice turned to steel. “What have you done with him?”

“You are not looking hard enough,” Todd gritted out.

John pushed past everyone until he entered the lab, his eyes sweeping the floor and praying that he didn't find Rodney's prone form lying on the…what the hell was that noise? It was faint, very faint, high-pitched, almost buzzing. John had never heard anything like it.

“Do you hear that?” he asked.

Ronon holstered his gun reluctantly and moved a ways into the lab until he was standing next to John. “I hear it,” he said. “It sounds like it's coming from..” Ronon stepped towards one of the desks with an Ancient device lying, discarded, on it. “Uh, Sheppard,” he called over his shoulder, “you might want to see this.”

“Rodney!” Teyla exclaimed loudly as she crowded in to see what Ronon was talking about. John felt a bizarre sort of relief as the tiny moving speck next to the Ancient device turned out to be Rodney. His knees threatened to give out and he found himself gripping at the lab table to steady himself. The tiny figure that was Rodney - _not dead, not old, thank God_ \- almost capsized when John grabbed at the table and he felt a gentle touch on his hand that was actually Rodney kicking him full force.

“Dr McKay asks that you watch what you're doing,” Todd’s voice sounded from his still restrained position in the corridor.

“You can hear him?” John asked.

“As clear as day.” Todd glared distastefully at the marines who still had their weapons trained on him. “Perhaps, now that it is clear that I have not harmed Dr McKay you can call your men off?”

Ronon twirled his gun menacingly. “Not likely, _Wraith_. How do we know that you didn't do this to him?”

Todd hissed in displeasure. “For what purpose? He was like this when I entered the lab and I politely asked your men to bring Sheppard here when I realised that Dr McKay could not operate the device and reverse the peculiarity himself.”

John shot a sharp look at the two marines who looked away guiltily. “Willis, Harrison, take him back to his cell. And report to my office at 1800 hours.”  John would make them sorry for not fulfilling his orders but he didn't have time for that now.  

The two marines saluted neatly before dragging Todd off towards the transporters.

“You're welcome for my not eating him,” Todd called over his shoulder, his smile wide and toothy.

John stopped Ronon from going after them with a look. “Leave it Chewie,” he cautioned. “We need him.”

“You heard what he - -“

“ _Leave it_ ,” he repeated, harder. John sighed and turned back towards the table where Rodney was stood with his arms crossed, foot tapping impatiently. He couldn't help laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation. “You know,” he teased, “you’re pretty cute like that. Maybe we should leave you like that for a while. The peace and quiet are kinda nice.”

Rodney flipped him off which was strangely adorable.

“I think it would be best if we did not delay,” Teyla smiled diplomatically. “I, for one, do not enjoy cold showers, John.”

“Let's get on with it then,” John sighed in mock reluctance. “And, McKay? No more playing with Ancient devices when you're alone.” John picked up the device, getting a feel for its function immediately. He didn't think he'd ever get used to that silent intuition he felt with most Ancient devices. Setting the dial to the correct setting, he aimed the front end of the device at Rodney and fired.

* * *

“You are back to normal, I see?”

Rodney waved his hand in acknowledgement as he slowly approached the Wraith cell. “Obviously, yes. Although I'm pretty sure that Sheppard stopped the device a little too soon. I swear I was an inch taller before.”

Guide grinned toothily at Rodney's complaint and Rodney manfully tried not to shudder. He lifted his hand and held it warily a few centimetres from the energy barrier that kept the Wraith inside. Feeling strangely guilty, he drew his hands back and stuffed them in his trouser pockets.

“I, ah, I came by to thank you,” he began hesitantly.

“There is no need,” the Wraith hissed, turning his back on Rodney.

Rodney stepped closer, feeling braver. “See, now, I think there is. Because you could have - - it would have been easy for you to - -“

“You would have made an unsatisfying meal. That is the only reason that - -“

Rodney interrupted the Wraith, raising his chin as he talked over him. “I don't believe that,” he said. “I'm a scientist. I deal with facts. And the fact is that you helped me. The chance of someone jumping to the wrong conclusion and shooting you was high. Those marines almost shot you. _Ronon_ almost shot you. But you helped me anyway.”

“I could have taken it,” the Wraith argued. “I was in no danger.”

“Maybe,” Rodney conceded. “But that's not the first time you've helped me. Us. There was the thing with Jeannie, the Replicators…you _keep_ helping us. I could almost believe you like us.”

The Wraith turned around to look at him and Rodney didn't flinch. He met the Wraith’s eyes and knew that he was right.

The Wraith stepped closer and spoke. “I have heard many of you New Lanteans compare dealing with the Wraith to the animal trying to negotiate with the humans who would eat it.”

Rodney nodded to show that he understood. He'd used that analogy himself often enough.

“I wonder,” the Wraith continued, “whether you would be as quick to demonise the human who did not listen to the animal?”

“Some would,” Rodney answered truthfully. “Most wouldn't.”

The Wraith nodded, accepting the answer for what it was. He reached out and let his fingertips trail over the crackling energy of the cell barrier. “It is interesting, is it not?”

Rodney swallowed hard, not sure how to answer. It was interesting. It was…confusing.

“Your Sheppard was glad to see you returned, I hope.”

Rodney frowned at the change of topic. “I guess, I mean, he's not _my_ Sheppard but - -“

The Wraith bared his teeth and hissed disapprovingly, turning his back again.

Rodney took a step back, confused. He'd said what he came to say. He should leave before John found out he was down here. “I should go,” he said. “I just wanted to say thank you.” He nodded briefly before turning to leave.

“Guide.”

Rodney turned back to face the Wraith. “Excuse me?”

“My name,” the Wraith - Guide - said. “You may call me by it, Dr McKay.”

“Oh, ah, ok. Guide. Um, you can call me Rodney. I guess.”

Guide nodded at him, a faint smile on his face. “You should go now, Rodney,” he said. “ _Your_ Sheppard is due for his nightly check in soon.”

Guide watched Rodney leave quickly after that, knowing that Sheppard would have been informed the moment the scientist - _his scientist_ \- had entered the room.

As much as he had grown fond of these humans, they were fools still; blind to the most obvious things. Still, they amused him. Guide did not regret his alliance with them, not even now when he was shackled and captive. They had won him over, it was only a matter of time before they started to trust him.

Maybe it had even begun already.

Perhaps.


End file.
